To be 'with'

Two Torsos

 How strange is it that something that feels right can still be so foreign.  Perhaps this is what happens when one first experiences intuition or an instinct.  Being 'with' a man while feeling right is still foreign to me.  This was the first piece to help explore my intuition or instinct with the hope of making it less foreign.

Kiss

I must confess my first real kiss was at 26 years old.  This was created before that.  I never understood why I was never motivated to kiss women much less do anything else.  The idea of two guys kissing was if anything an abstract concept to me.  This helped me make the concept more concrete.  Oh, and that first kiss at 26 was just as awkward as it would have been at 16 but far more enjoyable.

This is me

Red Torso

 This was the first large piece I created.  When I first realized I was looking at men 'too much', I thought I wanted to 'be' those men - that I wasn't man enough.  It took me a long time to realize the possibility of wanting to 'be with' those men instead.  My struggle between the two lead me to create this piece.  I used myself as a model which would let me hide behind being narcissistic.  In hindsight, that was quite the rationalization.  The closet is a funny thing and can do strange things.  At least that's been my experience.

Well after I finished the piece, I went to get it framed - a terrifying experience.  I remember wandering around the store forever working up the courage to ask for help at the counter.  When I finally did, I had to confess it felt weird as though I was opening up my underwear drawer to a complete stranger.

 Torso 2

  While modeled after me, the Red Torso is far more idealistic than I really am.  This torso was a bridge between the ideal and real. 

Me - for real

While this is another self-portrait, it is far more realistic.  I am man enough.  And even when I no longer look like this, I will still be man enough.  Being man enough has nothing to do with looks or any of the other male-stereotypes.  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.