Spanish Panda

 

Congrats to my Spanish friend! He is 'in like' with a guy back in Spain. They share pet names and my friend's is Mr. Panda. As a gift my friend is putting together a book of poems and asked if I would dot a panda for it. This is it and bound for Spain!

Sometimes cupid needs a helping hand or in this case a helping dot.

Here's to getting your own Spanish Panda in the mail.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011 Nude Aid

I had the opportunity to be a volunteer artist for Nude Aid 2011 which is a fundraiser for the Center for Sex and Culture.  It was the first time I worked with live models and learned my technique doesn't lend itself well to live models!  While I'm not quite as ... liberated as most participating in Nude Aid, I was impressed by everyone's uninhibited demeanor. Being less ... experienced and not as ... expressive sexually, it was encouraging to see those who are.  The following are pieces donated to Nude Aid.

Hope

I don't know what impression my posts give.  While deep and thoughtful, they are not intended to be heavy or depressing.  On the contrary, they are meant to reflect how each dot is hard won.  Each dot closer to the man I want to be. 

Lessening Doubt

In both pieces, the guy on the left was based on the same picture of the same guy.  Pairing the two together for the first time, I was struck by how different they look.  To me, he is more tense and less expressive in the lower piece.  Since they are based on the same model, the primary variable then is the artist - me.

Doubt

Doubt

I questioned whether to post these.  Truth is I had my doubts and still do.  What if there is a 'right' woman out there for me?  While there may be, I'm not going to sit around waiting for what might be or pass up a 'right' guy.

Pieces

During the process of creating the larger pieces, I would do these smaller fragments to practice. The smaller fragments then helped create the larger whole.  While I don't have the words, there is room for a poignant link between the fragments to the whole and connecting the dots.

Where we're going

Here we go - on to something just as deep and from the heart, but hopefully more inspirational.

What I really want

Side by side

 

While not that explicit, the more lascivious nature of my pieces is not lost on me.   Given my experience it is my way to drive a wedge between attraction and inadequacy or shame which have always been paired.  At the end of the day this is what I really want - someone to stand with side-by-side.  This then is the most explicit of all.

To be 'with'

Two Torsos

 How strange is it that something that feels right can still be so foreign.  Perhaps this is what happens when one first experiences intuition or an instinct.  Being 'with' a man while feeling right is still foreign to me.  This was the first piece to help explore my intuition or instinct with the hope of making it less foreign.

Kiss

I must confess my first real kiss was at 26 years old.  This was created before that.  I never understood why I was never motivated to kiss women much less do anything else.  The idea of two guys kissing was if anything an abstract concept to me.  This helped me make the concept more concrete.  Oh, and that first kiss at 26 was just as awkward as it would have been at 16 but far more enjoyable.

This is me

Red Torso

 This was the first large piece I created.  When I first realized I was looking at men 'too much', I thought I wanted to 'be' those men - that I wasn't man enough.  It took me a long time to realize the possibility of wanting to 'be with' those men instead.  My struggle between the two lead me to create this piece.  I used myself as a model which would let me hide behind being narcissistic.  In hindsight, that was quite the rationalization.  The closet is a funny thing and can do strange things.  At least that's been my experience.

Well after I finished the piece, I went to get it framed - a terrifying experience.  I remember wandering around the store forever working up the courage to ask for help at the counter.  When I finally did, I had to confess it felt weird as though I was opening up my underwear drawer to a complete stranger.

 Torso 2

  While modeled after me, the Red Torso is far more idealistic than I really am.  This torso was a bridge between the ideal and real. 

Me - for real

While this is another self-portrait, it is far more realistic.  I am man enough.  And even when I no longer look like this, I will still be man enough.  Being man enough has nothing to do with looks or any of the other male-stereotypes.  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.